Mercenary Madness

It seems like every time Hollywood gets a good idea, 4 or 5 other similar ideas crop up right behind it. Usually all but one get weeded before you go see them in the theater, occasionally you will see 2 break through around the same time. Examples of this phenomena are Dantes Peak/Volcano, Armageddon/Deep Impact and Finding Nemo/Shark Tale. This will happen about once a year with varying degrees of visibility, but this year we get the rare trifecta. Three movies all with very similar core concepts all battling for out hearts and wallets this summer. Three films will weave us a tale about a close group of highly trained mercs who used to work for, or were betrayed by the government and only trust each other. They take jobs for money, but the movie likely sees our heroes get revenge for their betrayal. So lets break them down and see who is the Favorite, Dark Horse and Lame Duck of the trio! It's time for some Mercenary Madness!

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The Expendables



Sylvester Stallone knows his fans. Say what you will about the man and his movies, but he knows exactly what people want when they walk into a Stallone film. Ever since he took control over his image and characters with the better then expected Rocky Balboa, Stallone has been on a roll, making films as if he were a Stallone fan boy himself. This summer he might just unveil his masterpiece. The Expendables was cast like the internet's dream list of action stars of the 80's, 90's and today, you will see Stallone, Willis and Ah-Nold together in a scene... you will see Jason Statham, Jet Li and Stallone simultaneously kicking ass... you will see Dolph Lundgern and Mickey Rourke doing stuff... and for those who are interested Stone Cold Steve Austin and Randy Couture are around too. Seriously if you were every excited by some form of cinema violence in the last 30 years, this film will appeal to you. This only flaw in this film's armor is the simple fact that it is hard to sell an 80's style action flick in 2010, especially with other, more flashy, films are coming out before it.

Verdict: With the best cast of the bunch, and Stallone behind the camera this film might be the best, but it is a harder sell and will likely not be the big winner. DARK HORSE.

The A-Team:



The classic TV show is reborn in 2010 with a good cast and a big budget. This is has the most name recognition of the bunch and a Director who can really set up an action scene, so there is hope. The problem here is that this is an adaption of a TV show, and there is a very sticky history of these being balls awful. Added to that is the Mr. T factor which presents the problem of an actor who is larger then the character he played, which will lead to either a painful characiture or a lifeless shell of a character that will bring the whole movie down. This film boasts a good cast that I would generally root for, but I can't shake the feeling that this film will suffer from bad timing. Had this come out last year, or next, it wouldn't have the added burden of having to be better then not just previous TV adaptations (a VERY low bar), but also a pair of similar films out in the same few months that frankly look much better.

Verdict: Might make the most money of the group, just because, but out of the three stands the greatest chance of being a flaming turd. LAME DUCK.


The Losers:



Of the three trailers released for these films, the Losers looks like the most fun. Based on an obscure comic book somewhere in the DC library, The Losers boasts a great cast, a great look and a very interesting director (whose previous work includes Stomp the Yard and I Always Know What You Did Last Summer). Playing like a more colorful mix of both the Expendables and The A-Team, The Losers seems to have something for quite literately everyone. Sexy Ladies? Check. Sexy Guys? Check. (I figure that in theory only) Big Explosions? Check. Lots of Guns? Check. Sexy Scenes and Slow Motion? Check and Check, and both in one scene no less! The Losers looks to be a blast that appeals to the masses in flash, the nerds in substance and the inbetweeners in sex appeal, if only it didn't have to contend with Kick-Ass in theaters this would be a slam dunk.

Verdict: The film doesn't have the big names of the other two and a less then favorable release date to compete with a couple summer flicks, yet despite the underdog status I am willing to bet this will be the more loved of the Mercenary Movies of 2010. FAVORITE.

The Practically Perfect Pixar Personality Prognosticator

(No, this blog post is not a thinly veiled way for me to get a huge 5-pointer next time I play Scatigories, although I am keenly aware of its potential so beware next time you lose to me.)

It dawned on me the other day, as I listened to the cool, breezy sounds the Finding Nemo soundtrack, that Pixar has 10 feature films all of which are classics in their own way. All of which also have fans who count each as their favorite Pixar film. So using this fairly obvious bit of knowledge I have delved into the deep psychological meanings of each film and I can tell you what kind of person you are based only on what your favorite Pixar film is. So take a read at what I have and decide for yourself how close my Practically Perfect Pixar Personality Prognosticator is to the truth! (oh and as a fun little game, see if you can tell which is MY favorite Pixar film)

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Toy Story:

You are old school, a classic. You find that today's films have to much whiz and bang, not enough deep soulful moments of character development. You also have a bit of a sentimentalist in you, you have a soft spot in your soul for the "original," for a film that makes you nostalgic for an easier time. You might not hate current films, but you defiantly prefer the films of yesteryear.


A Bugs Life:

You are unique, or at least you want everyone to know you are. You like things that most people aren't talking about, and that is exactly how you like it. If it's popular, then it simply is to mainstream for your more "advanced" tastes, if it is little known, or considered "lost" you are a fan. You probably don't like 3D, or CGI and are just now coming around to surround sound, air conditioning and "talkies."


Toy Story 2:

You are a movie studio's dream, you love a great sequel or remake. You don't mind treading the same ground so long as the adventure is still fun and exciting. You love the familiarity of characters you've met before, and want to see them in new and exciting tales. In life you likely have a routine you live by, a pattern that varies little throughout your life. Every now and then you might do something crazy like meet a new friend, or go to a new place, but you always find your way back to your comfort zone.


Monsters Inc:

You are a friend at heart. Deeply loyal and true you do anything for your friends. You are also slow to change, especially if you don't see the need to. You really only ever embrace change when it is for the betterment of all around you. In fact you might even be selfless to a fault, helping others even when it might burden yourself. In the end however, you have created deep bonds of friendship that can carry you for the rest of your days.

Finding Nemo:

You are smart, beyond smart really. More god-like genius. You are never wrong, you simply have varying degrees of rightness. People either adore you or they are jealous. You might be kind enough to grace other mere mortals with your presence from time to time, but that is not required for a man (or woman) of your infinite perfectness. You are also really cool, you make Fonzie look like Oprah wrapped in a Britney Spear Snuggie... aka not cool. You might have pets, but they feed and walk themselves because they know better then to interrupt your day.


The Incredibles:

You crave excitement and adventure, you can't be bothered stuck in a cubicle all day. You need to be outside, doing great things. You also have an appreciation for the retro, if it is a call back to a design or fashion from the past it piques your interest. You are a strong believer in being true to yourself, and not compromising to fall into the pack. Being special is a gift that you treasure and think the whole world should share. When you are called to action you are always among the first to respond. You live your life like every day is your last, enjoying all the fruits of existence.


Cars:

You are a fan of the mainstream, popular things are popular because of people like you. You don't mind if everyone likes it too, because that makes sense to you. You never are alone in your actions because it is easy for you to find like minded people to be friends with. Your life's journey travels along a large path and is often shared by many others, and you would have it no other way. You probably don't take many risks, because risks can be risky, and you are likely very content with the things you have in life. Things that are shiny might also appeal to you, but you might not have ever really understood why.


Ratatouille:

You are a multi-textured individual. You feel that anyone can do anything they want to do, and it is wrong for anyone to put limitations on others. You find beauty in anything, and recognize that it is not the appearance of something, but it's soul that is important. You also like to please others finding great pleasure in the happiness of your friends. You also appreciate deeply the magical qualities of food, knowing the inner most emotions a good plate of dinner can bring out in even the harshest of individuals. You live a pleasant life, made all the more so for your love of the simple things.


Wall-E:

You appreciate the history of things. Be it nature, or classic buildings and stores, you find a nobility in something that has been around for a long time. You also feel a personal sorrow for new things that pave over the old. In your prefect world modern advances live in concert with original and classic things. You also might have a strong sense of civic duty which steams from your own personal need to keep things clean. Some might call you obsessive in your need to keep a tidy environment, but to you it makes no sense to live a life surrounded by filth. You also have a romantic in you, both in ideals and in love.


Up:

You are an old soul. Knowing that life is one long adventure, you want to grasp at yours every day you live. You are also very wise, knowing that even the seemingly mundane portions of your life are just as much a part of your grand adventure as anything else. You might also be a tough nut to crack, with a hard and craggy exterior protecting your soft and warm internal core. You are loyal to the ones you love, and would to go extreme lengths to maintain your promises to them. You maintain a youthful soul, even as you age gracefully into the twilight of your days.